“Why are you the victim of put downs?"

1. You may be interesting! Remember the tabloid syndrome! People talk and gossip about people whom they find interesting.

2. It may be because of "leveling." You're too good! Someone is jealous. It's a backhanded compliment!!

3. Or, something about you makes the put downer feel inadequate or rejected. You may have attracted the person he was in love with. He may think you set the police on his trail. He blames you somehow for his difficulties in life at the moment. You might cause these difficulties by being talented, attractive, or capable: in other words, through no fault of yours, rather as a result of your strengths, you are a threat to the other guy!

4. You might be in the middle of someone's bad day. It's random! You just happened to be in the lunch line when Mr. Negative dropped his milk.

5. The put-downer needs power, control, attention, etc., and you are just the guy who is handy. Something about you might be different or unusual, but the deal still is that the other guy is not evolved enough to accept differences and be kind to all people. Or, on this particular day, he needs to use you to meet his need for power.

6. You're oversensitive. The other guy was just kidding and you have a tendency to take things too personally.

7. It's possible that the put down just slipped out wrong. I've done this over the years. The words that came out are not at all what I intended to say, and someone else might have taken offense.

8. You've responded in an inappropriate way in the past, and the put-downer knows you are a good target. Using you is a super way for him to vent his aggression, because you respond in the way that he wants. You help make him feel powerful. This might include that you have refused to handle the situation yourself, relying on adults to fight your battles. This will be perceived as weak by the aggressor and is likely to keep him after you. Some weak kids love to see lots of adults get all fired up as a result of their actions. The more people involved, the more powerful they can feel! (The exception is in very serious situations or ones that involve weapons. In those cases, of course it is appropriate to involve adult authorities.)

9. You might be choosing to do something that goes against the societal norm. This is certainly a choice you have, but understand that in almost any society, one who chooses to do this is likely to draw negative attention from the crowd. So, should you decide to dye your hair turquoise or wear a see-through plastic blouse, expect to hear strong reactions. Many courageous people have opted to go against society's rules, and brave new frontiers. You might be one of these! But don't expect it to be without comments (many of them nasty) from the masses!

For your non-conformity, the world will whip you with its displeasure.      Anonymous

10. You might be, through no choice of your own, different from others. You might be very tall, or fat, or have large, protruding ears. You might be a foreigner, have a speech impediment, or possess a limited mental capability. Your family might not have the financial advantages of your peers. It is tremendously sad that everyone hasn't learned to value all living humans, recognizing that we are all children of God and inherently valuable. Those with maturity, compassion, self love, and a spiritual orientation have learned to treat all humans with respect and dignity. Obviously, this person being critical of you has not achieved these levels.

© Sally Northway Ogden 1999